...just because you're rich? Or beautiful? Or famous or powerful or any of those benchmarks society seems to use to judge your 'success' as a citizen? I know that inside your skin you are the most important person in the universe-- actually, I'm willing to bet that you are probably the ONLY person of note, and everyone else are just props on your stage, entering and leaving as needed to populate your 'life'. How is it that you can't see the obvious-- that these same thoughts are running through EACH person's mind, and you are no more or less than the other 7 billion grains of sand huddled next to each other on this crowded beach called Earth?
I suppose it's not your fault... you behave this way because you have been conditioned by years of awed responses to your 'wonderfulness'. When you were the new girl in fifth grade, skipping into class with your curly gold locks bouncing and your perfect smooth skin glowing, you noticed how students and teachers alike seemed to vie for your attention. The seeds of superiority were sown in your brain right then and were watered and nurtured with repeat performances on the playground, in the store, and even at home throughout your life... I suppose it makes sense that you feel better than everyone else. And in a way you are.
When you were the new guy on the bottom of the totem pole at work, you noticed how you were NOT abused the way some of the other new guys were. Was it your decency that people could read, or was it the expensive suit and fancy car they saw as you pulled into the parking spot next to your dad, the CEO? Would you even need to practice that decency, when all your needs were being met by simply showing up?
Do you obtain a good place in line because you asked sweetly, or because you tote around 250 pounds of rippling muscle?
How DO you make your place in a crowded society where, at least on paper, we are all supposed to be EQUAL? I remember when I was young the lessons presented to me that would teach me how to 'get along' with others... say please and thank you, wait your turn, study hard and work hard and you'll get ahead. I also remember feeling cheated when one of my peers would get further than I without resorting to hard work.
The important thing is that I REMEMBER. At this stage in my life I've had some successes, and I was always careful not to flaunt around people who had less. It's the old golden rule at work-- I would not like it if someone did that to me. Which brings me to my point.
Recently a customer of mine did exactly that. I am a cabinetmaker/craftsman, and before that I was a teacher. Before that I was earning a master's degree in industrial technology. So I feel as though I've gotten a handle on my chosen field of interest; enough to be able to handle just about any situation. But this one always exasperates me. I'm at the job, remodeling the kitchen in a modest house, when the owner walks in and says it's unfortunate but he has to leave, some kind of crisis at work, and I have to leave too. I ask why I have to leave-- I had an entire day planned out, and this is happening at 10:30 am.
I tell you, he looked squarely at me and said, "I don't want anyone in the house when I'm not here." Just like that. He walked away and said over his shoulder as he retreated, "I'm locking up in 10. Anything in here stays in here 'til I get back."
The freakin' nerve! I was incensed! I felt like taking my 20 ounce straight claw hammer and driving it straight into the refrigeration unit of his expensive Sub Zero refrigerator. Who the hell did he think he was to behave in such an arrogant manner? Why does he think he is better than me? Does he really believe I am laying in wait for his back to turn so I can ransack his house or molest his linen?
Well, as an angry man, I wanted to run up to him and explode all over his smug little face with every imaginable curse and threat, but as a professional I had a better solution. It's true that sometimes money is a great motivator... the idea of losing the job, i.e. money, over an anger tantrum was unattractive to me. But the idea of MAKING money for doing NOTHING is a great one, and I just had happened to add a little clause in my contract years ago, covering this very problem!
So I chased him down and said, "Are you certain it's worth the money?"
He screeched to a halt and barked, "What money?!"
"You signed the contract, sir. This falls under the heading of 'Avoidable Work Stoppage'." I started quoting from memory. "'Whenever an avoidable work stoppage is created, the customer must pay labor cost for the time that would otherwise be spent working'. That means," I paused for effect, "I'll have to bill you an extra eleven hundred dollars." Truthfully, I pulled the number from out of my butt-- I didn't know how much it would be until work resumed, but I made it seem high to change his mind.
I knew what was going on in his head-- I had seen that look before: the reddening of the face, the clouding over of the eyes, the mouth writhing in little incomprehensible words, and finally, the scrunching together of all his features into what could only be described as 'sphincter-face'. He was weighing the cost/benefit ratio and hating the answer. Finally he muttered, "Okay, you can stay. But I'm putting the alarm on. And I'll be back in 2 hours, tops."
I was thinking that would give me more than enough time to ransack his house and molest his linens, but I should probably just put the crown moulding on the ceiling instead. He left and I began to work. A short while later I accidently shot a staple into a poorly shielded length of Romex electrical wire while installing the crown. It was electrically sparking, so I ran to find the circuit breaker box. It wasn't in any of the normal spots-- closets, cabinets or hallways-- so I figured it must be downstairs. I found the door to the basement and opened it... and that's when I realized I had been judging my customer unfairly.
See, all that time I'd been thinking that he didn't want me in the house when he wasn't there because he thought I was untrustworthy. But that wasn't the problem. The problem, my friends, was the mini-field of marijuana plants growing under lights in the basement! What I thought was snobbiness was in fact, simple stoner paranoia!
I bet you're wondering what happened from that point on. I bet you're DYING to find out! Every time I tell this story, people are screaming to hear the ending. Well, all I can say is...
...anybody need any weed?
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